Get out of My Space
I had a luncheon with someone off of my space yesterday. We met up more or less for fun, a wild hair idea of his, harebrained on my part.
The only reason I even created such an account was for literary purposes via a suggestion from one of my b.com friends who has been encouraging my writing.
There's essentially nothing in my profile, just a thumbnail picture of me in my glasses, my horoscope, name, city and one blog entry.
Imagine my surprise when I received a few e mail notifications. I ignored two which were out of country; I've no desire to start up any E pen pals. Awhile later I get mail from two local male individuals. I responded to theirs, polite chit chat, little to no interest.
Although the day before one of them tosses out their phone number, anyone who knows me knows I'm not about to just call some guy up out of the clear blue. I've got specific gender expectations. The guy calls first, makes the move first, I show I'm interested if I am, and follow his lead if this is what I want. Some men want equal reciprocation, fine, but I know me and that holds no appeal-sexual equality. With equality there's no sense of subtle power display, the potential for conquer hear me roar, you're my bitch, deal with it or take your leave. And you can pretty much forget the whole gentleman lady thing. What happened to such ritualistic art? As a submissive woman I want my senses stormed and caressed.
Unfortunately I'm at a life cross road and am so far out of my skin I constantly contradict my self and am ready to go Italian Irish on anyone who rubs me wrong the least little bit. It's like I want to fight and submit at the same time.
To be fair at least to my self, I haven't been around a steady calming influence, a man who can be patient, understanding and firmly planted not only in his life but his beliefs. I'm the man, you're the woman, I get where you are but this is where we are, this is where we're headed. Right now no one seems stronger than me if that makes a lick of sense and that just makes me want to argue the point even more.
I've sparked with a few but haven't burned for anyone in a good long while. I sincerely miss that.
Anyway I've gotten off track. This my space guy and I decided to share something each, certain knowledge about one another we wouldn't normally tell someone straight off. He went with something lame and I went in for the kill, kink.
He went from Manhood straight to idiot adolescent. RED FLAGS I immediately reined him in and drew a line "don't cross it again." I should have refused lunch but I didn't. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Lunch went well. We were able to discuss kink in a much more educated manner than before. His kink isn't mine and it wouldn't have mattered even if it were as I was so put off by how he initially handled him self. I can't be bothered with immaturity much less random stupidity.
Late last night he calls me. Okay fine. He barely says hi, he at least bothered to ask if I was busy, and then BAM "hey I'm masturbating before I go to bed, wanna join me?" I shouldn't have been stunned but I was. I'd already told him I wasn't into cyber and that I didn't appreciate his earlier behavior. I thought I made my self quite clear. I even told him I wasn't interested in him other than friendship. No connection, no similarities, nothing. This is a man, and I use that term loosely who is incapable of commanding any sense of respect for him self much less provide respect to another.
"Can you hear that?"
"Hear what?"
"Click..."
My dial tone,
~d~
