Faith recognizes FAITH
I wrote this: 2006-06-13
I'm sharing it here because its part of my divorce process. A divorce far from finalized.
[background]I am going through a divorce while still sharing living space.[/background]
Throughout the years of our marriage we never felt the need to become church goers. It wasn't out of a lack of faith, but more to do with how we wanted to spend our time. We were both raised in families who went every Sunday rain or shine whether you liked it or not and when we left home to go to college we stopped and never felt the need to change once married.
We've raised our girls with a Christian up bringing which included private Christian schooling. With the attitude that life is about choices tailoring around the individual, what is right for me isn't necessarily right for you. If they decide to go to church that is their choice, some summers they would walk hand in hand on the way to service-had either asked at least one of us would have accompanied them. It is my belief that by making this decision separately from their own free will, will hopefully mean more then if it was made for them. We as parents offered them the tools to make the best personal decisions for themselves.
Anyway he's since decided to go back into the fold which is fine; I hope he is getting something out of it. However our house is more than ever divided, with our youngest going to services with him and our eldest going to the coffee shop with me.
Just the other day she came to me upset. "Dad took us out to eat the other night. I took a moment of silence and he asked what I was doing. I told him I was praying. Mom he called me a heathen because I didn't go to church. Mom... I have faith, and I told him so but all he could say was you should be reading the book."
I've been very upset about this.
When she questioned me about why dad is all of a sudden going to church it wasn't so much her questioning his faith but why now and not before? My answer to her was that her father was probably finding comfort there like I do at Cup O Joes.
How can one compare a church to a coffee house?
My faith goes where I go. It doesn't get taken from some dusty book shelf the moment I enter church, get dusted off for the hour and shoved back into its spot when its time to leave.
And no I am not saying that if you go to church you check into some divine time card. If your solace is magnified here this is where you should be, your faith will follow you on the way out just like it did when it helped you open the door.
No, she didn't question her father's faith but now that he has questioned hers, she is seeing him in a much poorer light as if his faith is flawed somehow. Faith recognizes faith how could his not see hers?
And just because the book isn't there for you to see, how is it you know it is not being read?
Now that we're separated, he's making her go to church on his Sundays. This is unfortunate as she goes in with a closed heart. One shouldn't be this way in the house of God. Thankfully she's reported to me as much as she wars with shutting anything out that her father forces upon her, God still finds his way in.
Our youngest likes going to church and on my Sundays with the girls I encourage her to go to church with her father if that is her wish. It's too bad he won't reciprocate the needs of our eldest in likewise fashion.
I'm not the better parent just more intuitive.
One thing I point out to both of my girls is this: my Sundays and your father Sundays as with all the other days of the week is not our time but your time with us. Time set aside for you to be with both parents separately because it is important to you, your emotional well being.
It's not our time, its their time. I wish he could understand that.
~d~
