I'd like to wake up warm and sweet...
Last Tuesday night I had my girls overnight at my place for the very first time After tucking them in I explained that I'd be downstairs sleeping on the futon should they wake in the night and need me.
Around 2am the eldest came for me. I'm not sure what I heard first her movement or when she called out to me. I woke screaming and then according to her I promptly curled up into a fetal position with my hands out shielding me from potential harm.
She rushed to my side "mommy its okay, its okay it's me (her name)."
We held each other and I kept saying "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry... Did I hurt you?"
This past year I haven't slept well at all. I either sleep very light or very hard for a brief amount of time. Sometimes just whispering my name will wake me or a good shoulder shake might be merited. Irregardless they take a big step back. I always wake with a start-"WHAT?!" and come up ready to fight.
I'd like to wake up warm and sweet...
Right now I feel like a recruit back from the war trying to live life like a civilian/survivor.
It can only get better right?
~d~
Written 10-15-06
